Tag: Relationships

  • On Connection

    The other day I was out for my daily bout of exercise, the intentional walk to get out of the house and get the body moving, and as I passed one particular person in the street I noticed how enthusiastic they were in saying ‘hello’. It may have been a very brief interaction but through the tone of voice and the hand-waving I could tell that they were keen for the interaction. And it reminded me of the need for connection, particularly in these days when you never quite know how people are really doing and what they need. 

    However, connection is so needed for all of us, whether we are extroverted or introverted. The modern meaning of connection has really diminished the way we think about interacting with others. You see, connection is what I do when I plug my phone into it’s charger, or when I have a Zoom meeting, or when I message someone on social media. Connection in modern parlance is often lowered to online interactions that make us feel like we’ve interacted with someone but really we’ve just liked a post as we scroll through our feed. So instead, what we really need is a significant interaction whereby we are able to express our joy at seeing and speaking with another. The joy evident in the person I was walking by was palpable as they waved, said a big ‘hello’, and slowed down a little to look me in the eye. 

    It feels like this is lacking right now. 

    The Bible doesn’t use the word connection for interacting with others, perhaps it would if it was written today. But it certainly makes clear that humankind is made for human interactions. Relationships are a key to humanity and its sense of well-being. Relationships are what the story of God highlights, whether it’s between people, between nations, or between humanity and God himself. 

    Right back in the Creation story, in Genesis 2:18, we hear God’s word about the situation Adam finds himself in, ‘Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.”’ It was evident, even from the beginning, that humankind was made for relationships, for significant ‘connection’, if we wish to use that word. Adam tried to ‘connect’ with the animals but none of them were sufficient enough. Instead, it was another human being that filled the relational tank and provided the connection needed to function in a healthy way. 

    We can’t read the Creation narrative without mentioning the relationship with God either. This was obviously severed significantly at the Fall, but it is one that humanity continues to wrestle with and desire throughout the Old and New Testaments. If you are a believer in Jesus then you will realise that it is through him we are able to have that restored relationship back with God.  

    But connection with others, with people in our communities, our friends, family, and neighbours is something we’ve been created for. Part of being human is to connect relationally with others. And that’s part of why this moment is so tough for so many. 

    Perhaps one of the practical steps we could take to help others during this time is rather than try to avoid interactions with one-another, is to actually acknowledge the presence of others. Whether it’s a wave, a nod, an enthusiastic ‘hello’, a ‘great to see you’, or some other human response to acknowledge them. When I’m out on my walk it is now a regular occurrence to find those walking toward me to move over to the other side of the road. I know it’s so we can all stay distant from each other for health reasons, however it’s a pretty sad state of affairs if walking by each other is now something to avoid. 

    With lockdown continuing there provides for us an opportunity to show something different. To impact our community by doing some small things while out and about. In sharing a connective moment with others while out for exercise or at the shops we might be able to be people who shine light into the lives of others in this challenging time.

  • Easter Reflection – The Isolated Jesus

    This Easter is weird.

    It’s weird because it’s not what we’re used to. It’s not something we’re familiar with. It’s something new. This Easter is weird because we can’t gather as God’s people in the churches we’re part of, or celebrate meals together with friends and family, or head away on long weekend holiday adventures like usual.

    Instead, we’re at home. We’re at home with those in our household, isolated from others, and perhaps going a bit stir crazy by now too. But all of this is for that important cause, the cause the government has called us into. This Easter we’ve been called to save lives by staying at home.

    Copy of The Grieving of the (Non) Gathering of God’s People

    Living this isolated life is but a momentary trial, and while Easter may have a unique shape for us this year its meaning and significance does not change. Easter is still central to the Christian calendar, it still speaks of God’s display of sacrificial love to the world. It still reveals to us a God of grace who puts his life on the line for us, cleanses us from sin, and gives hope and peace to our anxious hearts. The meaning and significance of Easter doesn’t change despite the circumstances we may find ourselves this weekend.

    And yet in reflection I wonder whether this gives us an opportunity to enter into the ‘aloneness’ of Jesus. Despite Jesus being surrounded by people, particularly for the three years he was with his disciples, there are indications that Jesus too felt isolated in what we now know were his final 24 hours before his death.

    First, in his final meal with his disciples Jesus eats with his knowing betrayer. Judas, one who has followed him for a number of years, is about to gain 30 pieces of silver for delivering Jesus into the hands of the Romans. We read in John 13:21, “…Jesus was troubled in spirit and testified [to his disciples], “Very truly I tell you, one of you is going to betray me.” The act of betrayal is sure to feel isolating for Jesus as a relationship he invested in has turned against him.

    Second, his disciples still don’t understand what Jesus has been talking about. In Luke 22:14-30, still in the context of the final Passover before Jesus’ death, the disciples begin to argue with each other about which one of them is the greatest. After hearing Jesus explain the significance of their final meal and the betrayal to come they end up selfishly disputing their own importance. I imagine Jesus throwing his hands up at this point, exasperated at his own disciples incompetence. An isolating feeling for any leader of any thing.

    Third, at the time of his arrest Jesus’ disciples scatter far and wide. The disciples have experienced Jesus for three whole years teaching, performing miracles, and showing himself as the Son of God. Yet, in a matter of moments his disciples disappear. When Jesus is arrested we read of this disciple dispersion in Matthew 26:55-56,

    55 In that hour Jesus said to the crowd, “Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come out with swords and clubs to capture me? Every day I sat in the temple courts teaching, and you did not arrest me. 56 But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled.” Then all the disciples deserted him and fled.

    If Jesus didn’t feel isolated and alone up to this point, he surely did now.

    Fourth, as Jesus succumbs to his death on the cross we read of his isolation from God. You may remember that moments before Jesus dies on the cross he cries out to God, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46; Psalm 22:1-2). Jesus is essentially quoting the opening two verses of Psalm 22–words he would’ve known by heart. And as he calls out to God in this way he is in a place he had not experienced before, isolated and alone, apart from God. Smarter people than I can explain how this might work within the context of his humanity and divinity, what it means for the Holy Trinity at this point. But whatever the case, as Jesus takes the sin of the world upon himself the Father turns away from him, and places his rightful wrath and judgement for the sin of the world upon him.

    The isolation of Jesus is vivid, real, and powerful.

    As we enter into Easter this weekend perhaps it is worth considering the isolation and ‘aloneness’ of Jesus. We may resonate with feelings of isolation and aloneness as we sit at home with our friends, partners, family, or simply by ourself. All our social distancing measures mean we lack touch, we talk to friends through screens, and we only go out for essential needs. Our isolation is vivid and real for us.

    At no time do I want to suggest that our isolation is similar to that of Jesus. We may have similar feelings but the circumstances are certainly different, aren’t they? Yet due to our experience of the Easter season we may approach this time in a way that we’ve never considered before.

    As you remember and celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus this weekend may you be reminded of the One who has saved your life. Jesus, the one who has given his life for your sake, enabling the forgiveness of sin, peace for your soul, and an everlasting relationship as part of the family of God.

  • Are You Walking WITH God?

    The book, With: Reimagining The Way You Relate To God by Skye Jethani, was probably the best book I read last year. It was just brilliant. It was challenging and helpful in thinking about what it is to relate and commune with God. It’s a book I’ve made our interns at church read. And more recently, it’s a book I’ve quoted in one of my sermons when talking about what it is to grow as a follower of Jesus.

    Are You Walking WITH God_

    One of the helpful ways Jethani frames this idea of walking WITH Jesus is by highlighting how we perceive our relationship with God. In doing this he talks of four postures:

    First – Life from God

    These are people seeking blessing and gifts from God, but aren’t particularly interested in God himself. God is seen as a combination of a “divine butler and a cosmic therapist”.

    Second – Life over God

    Here people have lost the wonder and mystery of God and his world. Instead they seek to earn God’s favour through formulas and proven controllables. Those who believe God operates this way will seek to put the right techniques in place for faith, church, and life so a relationship with God can occur.

    Third – Life for God

    This is the posture of being concerned with serving God and expending all energy in doing something for God. Whether it be service or mission this posture highlights those who believe a relationship with God is founded on the things done. Identity is wrapped up in doing and service for God.

    Fourth – Life under God

    People who have a posture of life under God sees God in cause and effect terms. Through obedience to his commands God will bless life, family, and the nation. In this posture the believer is to determine what God approves and make sure they remain within those boundaries in order for God to uphold his part of the deal.

    I find that these postures are fairly accurate in terms of how people think about their faith and relationship with God. But as Jethani rightly outlines, our relationship with God is exactly that, WITH God. It is a relationship, not a religious exercise with rules and rituals. And so, when speaking about being with God Jethani says,

    “The life with God posture is predicated on the view that relationship is at the core of the cosmos: God the Father with God the Son with God the Holy Spirit. And so we should not be surprised to discover that when God desired to restore his broken relationship with people, he sent his Son to dwell with us. His plan to restore his creation was not to send a list of rules and rituals to follow, nor was it the implementation of useful principles. He did not send a genie to grant us our desires, nor did he give us a task to accomplish. Instead God himself came to be with us–to walk with us once again as he had done in Eden in the beginning. Jesus entered into our dark existence to share our broken world and to illuminate a different way forward. His coming was a sudden and glorious catastrophe of good.”

    How about you, do you walk WITH God? Or, do you find your relationship with God is depicted through another posture? 

     

  • Day 14 – You Are Relational

    “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and signs were being performed through the apostles. Now all the believers were together and held all things in common. They sold their possessions and property and distributed the proceeds to all, as any had need. Every day they devoted themselves to meeting together in the temple, and broke bread from house to house. They ate their food with joyful and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favour of all the people. Every day the Lord added to their number those who were being saved.” (Acts 2:42-47)

    The God we worship is a relational God.

    He could’ve done anything he liked and what he chose to do was create humanity in order to have a relationship with him. We see in the first book of the Bible that he not only creates the world and everything in it, but there is a particular emphasis on him creating humanity as the pinnacle of his creation. We as his creatures reflect the image of God. We carry within us, and possibly outside of us, aspects of God himself. In recognising this we find we are image bearers of God. We bear the image of God as we walk and talk, as we connect and commune with others.

    God, being a relational God and creating us to be in relationship with him, therefore, puts into us something of that relational characteristic that he has.

    We reflect God’s relational character in our lives.

    Therefore, we find we have a yearning for relationships.

    We seek after relationships with others, we seek their company, friendship, acceptance and love.

    You're More Than A Number - You Are Relational

    The explosion of social media in recent years highlights the fact that we want to tell others about ourselves, and probably highlights our voyeuristic tendency to want to see what others are up to as well. But, it seems that we want to be in relationship with others, and seek that relationship in a variety of places. Whether it is face-to-face or online there is a yearning and desire for relationship in our lives. Some find these fulfilling relationships in positive places, others fall into the arms of harm and pain, suffering as they seek to find the relationship they desire.

    This creation narrative in the opening chapter of the bible (Genesis 1:26-28) reminds us we are not accidents and that we are made for one-another. Not all relationships need to be physical or sexual, but they do need to be person to person, seeking to love one-another because that is what we are created to so. This kind of relationship is not simply between one person to another either. It is relationship with groups of people, with a community.

    Thankfully, God in his infinite wisdom provides a community for believers that is to meet aspects of this relational need.

    God has designed a community in the form of his people, the Church.

    When we think of church we may not have great things to say about it. We may think of it as only a meeting place for singing songs, praying prayers, and hearing someone speak to us. Church is meant to be much more than a place to gather for 90 minutes on a Sunday. The church is to be a place where we find God-fashioned community.

    In Acts 2:42-47 we see the early church, those who had contact with Jesus in his lifetime and witnessed his presence in physical form, came together with other believers in community. As part of that coming together they had meals together, prayed together, heard teaching together, and simply hung out with one-another. This was the germinating church, the church in its infancy as believers came together, bonded together, and were in community.

    This is God’s people living together as God’s people.

    In today’s Western society we can look around and see that our churches and communities of faith are not expressing themselves in the same way. Due to cultural and societal factors this doesn’t occur as it did in first-century Palestine. But as God has designed it we are made to commune with one-another on a regular basis, as an expression of our love for God and love for one-another.

    In the book of Hebrews 10:24-25 we are encouraged to not stop meeting together but continue to do so in love and worship.

    “…let us watch out for one another to provoke love and good works, not neglecting to gather together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other…”

    This is not only an expression of church but an expression of worship through community.

    Just as we are made for relationship with God and with each other we are also made to express our relationships through community. Together with a group of people we play an important role in helping people know they are loved by God and others.

    FOR REFLECTION

    • What relationships are most important to you?
    • How does knowing you were made for relationship and community affect your view of others?
    • In what ways can you contribute to a local church so that others know the love of God?

    This is part of a devotional series called You’re More Than A Number. To understand the purpose of these posts then please read the series introduction. If you’d like these delivered to your inbox, please sign up to follow this blog or my FB page.

    1. You Are Created
    2. You Are Sinful
    3. You Are Forgiven
    4. You Are Called
    5. You Are Redeemed
    6. You Are Loved
    7. You Are Saved
    8. You Are Free
    9. You Are Chosen
    10. You Are A Child of God
    11. You Are A Slave
    12. You Are Made For Good Works
    13. You Are A Follower
  • Fixing People vs God’s Grace

    I walk into church.

    I know what to expect. I’ve been to plenty of churches and services before.

    I’ve been a Pastor’s kid. I’ve been a volunteer. I’ve spoken up the front. I’ve been on staff. I’ve been part of committees and organising groups.

    I know church culture like I know how to drive a car. I know what the people are doing up the front.

    I know most of the songs. I know the typical Baptist liturgy, the three-song sandwich.

    I’ve sat through plenty of prayers. I’ve let the bowl pass plenty of times. I’ve taken the bread and the juice regularly. I’ve listened to plenty of people’s stories. I’ve heard sermon after sermon after sermon.

    I know what to expect on a Sunday morning.

    But what I didn’t expect was that feeling of being more burdened when I walked out of the service than when I walked in.

    That surprised me.

    For a few months, having recently finished up my position as Youth and Young Adults Pastor, I found myself confused.

    I thought going to church would now be easier. There’d be no pressure, there’d be no one watching, there’d be no one expecting anything of me. I could sit, I could listen, I could let it all wash over me as I reflected and worshipped God.

    But, there I sat. I sat hearing those prayers, listening to the songs, concentrating on the sermon, and participating in the gathering. Yet, the more I did this the worse I felt, the more the burdens piled up on my already heavy shoulders.

    As I’ve reflected on this experience there are no doubt plenty of reasons for feeling like this. The loss of previous identity, the over-cynical nature of my mind, the attitude of my heart toward church. I also realised that what I was looking for was grace, hope, and a sense of God’s love for me personally.

    Instead, I was given proof-texted lifehacks for a healthy life. I was being fed fast-food that seemed to taste nice at the time but became ugly as time went on.

    For a season, I sensed layers and layers of guilt being added to me when walking out of a church service. I was guilty about my relationship with Jesus. I was guilty about my actions and attitudes toward those around me. I was guilty about my parenting. I was guilty about my spending habits. I was guilty about my responsibilities.

    I came out feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. That all I needed to do to be living the Christian life was to do more of whatever was taught that particular week. Rather than finding the alleviation of guilt, shame, and sin that the worship of God through the Spirit brings I was finding my already full to-do-list was being added to.

    As I look back on my own brief ministry and church experience I realise that little time is spent providing opportunities of being fed God’s grace.

    The church service is often a place where people come once a week, if you’re lucky, and seek to hear God through his Word with his people. Yet, I know I have been guilty of things, of just giving fast-food topped with ice-cream for dessert. Often we give a short-term fix to long-term problems. We give little balm for their hurts and pain, providing cheap Band-Aids that soon lose their stick.

    In youth ministry we often plough ahead with the program. We outline what’s coming up and hit the main topics of relationships, sex, social media, and other ‘youth culture’ issues. We often bring the fun, the excitement and the loud. But it is also about time we as Youth Pastors thought about bringing the grace.

    How do we provide spaces for young people, and those in our church, to understand that God is a God of grace?

    We’re all very good at giving advice and providing correction if something doesn’t go the way we think is right.

    We’re all very quick to help with the practical but often unwilling to sit with the pained.

    The disruptive kid at youth group. The youth leader who always brings the negative. The parent who is always on your back. Each needs grace.

    People are not only sinners but they are sufferers too. They are enduring life and busyness and all that comes with the daily tasks of living. It’s a wonder so many make it into church on a Sunday, or to youth group on a Friday as it is!

    Let’s not attempt to fix people. Let’s provide spaces where God can work his grace.


    A while ago I wrote a post about what I wished I knew when entering youth ministry. This is part nine of a series dedicated to elaborating each of those eleven points. You can read part onepart twopart threepart fourpart five, part six, part seven and part eight here.


    11 Things: A Youth Ministry Series
    Beginning As A Youth Pastor
    Part 1: Life With Jesus
    Part 2: The Senior Pastor-Youth Pastor Relationship
    Part 3: Church Health > Youth Ministry
    Part 4: Friends For The Journey And Friends For The Road
    Part 5: The Grass Isn’t Greener
    Part 6: Nothing Else Matters
    Part 7: Temptation And Holiness
    Part 8: Church Culture And Politics
    Part 9: Fixing People vs God’s Grace (this post)
    Part 10: Working Better
    Part 11: The Privilege Of Youth Ministry